2009 Winners and Losers: Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino- WINNER!

Rarely in American history do we come across such cultural supernovas that can not only move mountains, but change the nature of the English language itself. Elvis Prestley couldn’t do it. Don King couldn’t do it. And no, Barack Obama couldn’t do it, either. But in the final months of 2009, America was blessed with a dazzling display of intellect that will never let you look at the word “situation” the same way again.

Mike Sorrentino, alias “The Situation” (because his abs are so ripped that they are a situation), has taken Ashley Alexandra Dupre’s place as America’s sweetheart and taken his reality TV series and the nation by storm. And when your reality TV series is the breakthrough MTV phenomenon Jersey Shore, where you’ve got to compete with a 4′10″ female getting her head snapped back by a 6-foot-plus steroid monster for attention, the feat is all that more astonishing.

Let’s get the truth out straight: Sorrentino has no talents. He has no redeeming qualities. He has not demonstrated any ability to function like a normal human being, with a job and a social network. There is no real reason for anyone to like him or remotely be interested in his existence. And yet the fact that he believes himself to be a superstar based on his steroid use is more than enough to generate a national craze. This is a man whose only appeal is that he believes he has sex appeal, and the fact that reality is constantly defying him turns this beefed-up guido (his word, not ours) into a likable dork. He claims to have “women in my bed every night,” and he does, but they usually look very uncomfortable and run away feeling molested after 3 minutes. He threatens to “make you like the Situation” if you, like every other woman in the world, are simply not interested. There were clearly only two situations The Situation could end up in: serving a prison sentence for attempted rape, or celebrity superstardom.

The Situation is also a quote machine, and rather a charmer. He made his first splash on the debut episode of Jersey Shore, with this gem: “This situation is indescribable. You’re not even going to be able to describe The Situation when you get into The Situation.” Five minutes later: “What are you going to say to a guy who looks like Rambo pretty much with his shirt off?” It only went uphill from there. Then he made the rounds on late-night tv, charming the pants off of Conan O’Brien– alias “The Solution”– on The Tonight Show while Snooki drunkenly professed the virtues of human growth hormone.

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With his stripper past, reality TV present, and obvious fitness guru future, The Situation is poised to become the Richard Simmons of the next generation. Or, at the very least, the next Naked Cowboy. Congrats, The Situation, Rafaelmartel.com Winner of 2009!

[Via http://rafaelmartel.com]

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